From The Archives: Thankful Thursdays | My Mom

· Who inspires you? ·

January 16, 2017 3 Comments

As many of you know, my Mom just passed away on Friday.  At the moment, I am overwhelmed by all the thoughts and emotions involved in this process of grieving and making arrangements, but it doesn’t feel right to not have a post about her.

I can’t quite put everything into words at the moment, but in lieu of a new post, here is one I wrote in October of 2011.

I’m remembering you mama.  I love you always and you still inspire me.


You know when first asked that question, “who inspires you?,” I think there are very typical people who come to mind. We have all heard of the names Mother Teresa, Mohandas Gandhi, or conversely to Gandhi, Winston Churchill. The list goes on…

We recognize these names, because these people have immortalized themselves by making the life they lived so big that their good deeds, ideas, and acts were able to touch the lives of so many. The reach of their deeds now extends past the number of years they were on this earth and lives on in those they’ve inspired.

These house-hold inspirational figures like Mother Teresa, Mohandas Gandhi, and Winston Churchill do inspire me; each in their own way.

So, when asked this question, my mind immediately jumps to them, but then my mind jumps to another common inspiration, my Mom. I mean, I think there are a lot of people who are inspired by their Moms and family members. I don’t mean to diminish their Moms and families, or mine, by saying it is “common.”

What I do want to express though is how amazing my Mom is.

 

My Mom is a miracle. She doesn’t know it. She doesn’t realize how magical she is, and she doesn’t know that I KNOW all the ways that she is truly special. She doesn’t realize, because my mom is hard on herself. Much in the same way I am incredibly hard on myself.  I probably learned it from her. She doesn’t know her worth and she definitely doesn’t get told her value enough. To me, she is the most precious part of my world. Which is why I think it is important to express to her some of the ways she has inspired me.

First, let me state, that my Mom has not had an easy life. She lost both her parents at a difficult time in her life and this lead to more difficult times after their death.  It was a struggle for her and she lost herself for a while in grief and depression and other things… until she had me.  That is what she has told me at least.  She has told me that having me was a miracle for her.  I guess that makes us each other’s miracles.

 

She has been criticized for the ways she has raised me, it wasn’t conventional, but she gave me every ounce of herself and her love. And you may think, well of course she did, she is your mom, that is what moms do. But… my mom sacrificed herself in so many ways. I don’t think I could ever offer her a thank you that would fully encompass the gratitude I wish to give her.

My Mom taught me the value of the little things in life.

She taught me creativity.

She taught me the value of an animal and it’s love.

She taught me the importance of learning to cook. (This she did not teach by showing me how to cook, but actually by showing me how bad cooking could be… it worked in reverse).

She taught me to believe in mysteries and to never rule out the “impossible.”

She taught me to always question, and that if you are old enough to ask a question you are old enough to know the answer.

She taught me selflessness.

She taught me courage.
She taught me strength.
She taught me to always follow my heart.
She taught me to say I love you, and mean it.
She taught me all the lessons she learned in her tough life so that I wouldn’t need to learn them the hard way.
She taught me to hold my head high, smile, and keep going when things are tough.
She taught me the importance of exercise and a healthy diet.
She taught me to get back up after you fall, every time.
She taught me that hard work pays off.
She taught me the power of a women.
She taught me so many things and she gave me even more; probably more than I know.

My Mom walked me to school every single day when I was in Elementary school.  It was probably a 15 to 20 minute walk.  We did that every morning and every afternoon.  On those walks she became my best friend.  We talked about my day, my teachers, my friends, my crushes, my girl drama, my fears, and she kept all my secrets.

My Mom was a safety vault of all of my most precious moments, ideas, and secrets; she still is.  

Some people joke about or even cringe at the thought of becoming their Mother; I can only hope that I become a fraction of the person she is.

I have no idea where I would be without her.  Without all of her lessons or without all of her love.
She may not be a house-hold name, but she is the most precious part of my world.  



3 Comments

  1. Reply

    jaclyn tracey

    January 16, 2017

    and I’m back to crying. that was beautiful. your mother was so very very proud of you and lived for you Rose. You were here miracle. She will live on through you and with all your special memories you shared. Love you.

  2. Reply

    Ward Lape

    January 16, 2017

    Rose:

    Where did you come from, this well-centered, opinionated young woman … off living life? Where did you find the balance: family, career, travel, new husband, married life and a house? And where does the love come from to honor your mother, even that an old cousin like me can feel the love you have for everyone. No, it did not come from you Rose, nope. Who you are is for you to give, but this Rose that you are came from your family, your upbringing, surroundings, from those connected to you. Probably, and mostly from your mother…..especially how you see and feel things so intensely.

    She did prepare you for life. You, a modern girl, committed to art and correctness, organization, color and atmosphere, a person who cares about people…. yeah, that all came from mama.

    Through her eyes, she saw good. That is very, very satisfying to a parent. She did not live into the golden years, walking down paths of autumn trees with your father, never held or smelled her grandchildren to come. But knowing her as I did, she lived very day of her life with purpose. This is where the influence of your mother kicks in, to deal with this unexplained, sudden life event. The one that floors you, makes no sense, will not let you rest or sleep, the dead weight of anguish in your belly. She – without your knowing it – has prepared you, too, yes, for this. Her loss.

    I promise you Rose, there will be many days of sorrow ahead, tears and breakdown at the most unexpected times, sorrowful reconnections for years, but this awful loss will pass. The separation you feel will turn every day into thoughts and remembrances and shared moments that is and always will be your mother. And you will always say, “Mama, I need you.” For the next few years around her birthday innocently expect to look for a birthday card for her, and then suddenly remember.

    We are each selfish in the thought that we own our life, our good, wonderful life, that it is ours and every day will be another joyful day of consequence profound. That our wonderful life will go on perpetually as we dictate. Then, we suffer loss and fall down at the unheard of, the unbelievable, the upheaval, unexplained miracles of this world, a wakeup call to the reality of our temporary existence.

    Go do it, Rose. Live the life you have been prepared to live for yourself every day, and a little bit now for Paula. Yes, it is absolutely all right to mention her name out loud, and to speak to her, as often as possible.

  3. Reply

    Will Charbonneau

    January 16, 2017

    Beautiful!!!

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